


The secret school girl

by NovemberWings



Series: The secret school girl [1]
Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: (can be read as slash if you want), 1980s, Acceptance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brian May/Roger Taylor Fluff, Crossdressing, Crying, Drums, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks, Period Typical Attitudes, Platonic Brian May/Roger Taylor, Rogerina Taylor (Queen), Sad Roger Taylor (Queen), Supportive Brian, Transvestite, Worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-06 20:53:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20297779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NovemberWings/pseuds/NovemberWings
Summary: Roger only suggested doing the 'I want to break free' video in drag because he had always had an urge to wear girl's clothing, but when he had put on the skirt and blouse he knew that he wouldn't be satisfied with only doing it once.He secretly stole the clothes to wear at home, but he wouldn't ever tell the others. They would never take him seriously if they found out about his secret passion.Which is why it feels as if his world is ending when Brian comes home early and finds him in the outfit.





	The secret school girl

Roger patiently waited until he knew that everyone would be out of the flat. Freddie had taken John clothes shopping, which John had begrudgingly accepted just to keep Fred quiet, and Brian had a class or something so he knew he would be alone for a good while. He waited a few minutes after Brian had closed the door behind him – making sure that Brian wouldn’t come back in if he had forgotten something. When he was sure it was safe he quickly got up from the sofa and headed into his room to go under his bed.

Under his bed, in a battered cardboard box, hidden far away at the back behind many other things he grabbed the box and pulled it out and opened it – revealing to his eyes the school girl outfit that he smuggled off of set at the end of shooting.

Roger had suggested doing the ‘I want to break free’ video in drag because deep down he knew he had always had a desire somewhere to try wearing girls’ clothes, but he would never have had the courage to try and do it seriously – going and buying the clothes would have been humiliating enough. But he knew the second he pulled the tights on that doing it one time for the video wouldn’t satisfy whatever urge this was. So at the end of shooting he’d shoved the different items of clothing into his pockets and into his bag and somehow managed to get them home without anyone noticing.

When he had the chance to wear them in the house the first time, there was a lot of hesitation. He had paced around in his room for a while before he gathered the courage to finally put the clothes on but the second he did he felt wonderful. He didn’t have the wig – that was too risky to take – but that didn’t matter so much to him. He just wanted to wear the clothes. It made him sad that he didn’t have the makeup but he couldn’t really go out and buy it, so he would be satisfied with this. 

During the first time he only dared to wear it for half an hour before he got back into his other clothes and hid the outfit away again – worried that someone may find him. But every time since then when he had the opportunity Roger would hurry into his room and get changed – he had it down to an artform now.

He did feel slightly guilty that he hadn’t told the others – and he was mostly sure that they would be okay with it – but there was that little bit of doubt that they would accept it and take him seriously. He knew that they 100% accepted Freddie’s camp but that was Freddie. But it was enough doubt that he couldn’t bring himself to tell them.

He sat on his bed and pointed his toe and started pulling the nylon up his legs. He loved how it felt on his thighs and how they made his legs look. Quickly he was wearing the entire outfit, minus the shoes, and he looked at himself in the mirror. He loved how his waist looked and how the clothes hugged his skin in certain areas in ways that his loose boy clothes never did. He loved how when he walked the hem of the skirt at the back brushed his upper thighs and he knew from the video how good he looked from behind.

He avoided looking at his face, knowing that the lack of makeup would upset him, but otherwise he knew this was one of the things that made him happiest. He took an easy breath before making his way to the kitchen to make himself a sandwich. The mundanity of the activity allowed his mind to wander and before he knew it he had a beat going through his head. He kept replaying it in his head and soon he started hearing how the guitar could be added in. 

He quickly dropped the sandwich and rushed into the recording room they had at the back of the house. He put the headphones on that were connected to his drum set, which they used so they could write and practice at home without bothering the neighbours or each other if it was late at night. The beat was loud in his ears and it sounded great. He paused every now and then to jot it down on some music paper and before he knew it he had the beat down perfectly and he had it written down with some drafted ideas for the guitar. He had never felt more alive and he loved how the skirt jumped away from his leg when he jerked his leg and how he could feel the skirt’s waistband tight against his waist now he was sitting down.

He had stopped for a moment to read over his notes and without the sound of the drums in his ears he definitely knew that he heard the voice from the doorway.

“Roger?” He dropped his pencil and looked up in absolute horror to see Brian standing in the door way staring at him.

“Oh fuck.” He croaked out, knowing exactly what he must look like. He reached up and pulled the headphones off and the silence that fell over the room felt even more pronounced that before. “Shit shit shit.” He said, feeling his eyes burning and the pressure behind his eyes growing. If that wasn’t clue enough of the impeding tears soon his vision was completely obscured with tears.

“Oh fuck, fuck motherfuck!” He shouted and he doubled over and pressed his hands to his eyes, as if folding in on himself would make him disappear and make Brian forget about what he’s seen. He let out a little sob, his tears falling now despite his valiant effort to stop them, before taking in a laboured breath. It felt as if there was a weight on his chest that wouldn’t shift. He couldn’t breathe.

“Shit, Roger are you okay?” Brian said and he rushed over to his side and put his hand on Roger’s back. Roger flinched slightly – the touch making the situation all too real. 

“Don’t tell. Don’t tell. Please don’t tell.” He said between gasps.

“Okay, Rog. Alright. Don’t worry, you need to breathe.” Brian said rubbing his back. Roger bent over again, his lungs burning, and pressed his hands to his eyes again. “Sit up Roger.” Brian said seriously, taking a hold of Roger’s shoulder and pulling him upwards into a sitting position, forcing Roger to let out another sob, now that he was more exposed. Brian crouched down next to him and took Roger’s hand and placed it on his chest.

“Listen to me, Rog. You’re going to breathe with me. Follow my breaths.” Brian started taking exaggerated breathes. Roger did his best to follow, and while it felt like it took forever he finally managed to slow his breathing down.

The weight on his chest didn’t disappear but now he could take in a breath and his vision wasn’t swimming so much. Tears were still heavily falling down his face. He was too ashamed to speak.

“Rog, talk to me.” There was silence as Roger sniffled.

“What do you want me to say?” He reached up and wiped away his tears away that were quickly replaced with new ones.

“What’s all this upset for? Eh?” Brian said, looking in Roger’s face. Roger couldn’t see any judgement in his face but he was sure that he could hear it.

“Don’t be a cunt, Bri.” He let out a sob, “You know what its for, but if you really want me to humiliate myself verbally fine!” He shouted, “I’m upset because my best mate has caught me red handed in my deepest and most shameful secret, and now it’s going to change fucking everything because I just can’t be normal!” He would have screamed if his voice hadn’t broke. Silent tears kept falling as he stared into Brian’s face, but he saw nothing there but confusion.

“What do you mean?” Brian said, his voice calm as usual, and that pissed Roger off more than anything.

“Why the fuck are you so fucking calm!” He said sharply, harshly wiping his tears away.

“I get you’re upset because I’ve seen you wearing these clothes but I’m calm because there’s nothing to be upset about.” Brian said, reaching up to gently wipe some of Roger’s tears. Roger scoffed, he couldn’t believe this. “Seriously, Roger, I don’t care about what you’re wearing. They’re just clothes.”

“But they’re not the right clothes.” Roger said, almost mournfully.

“Who the fuck cares about what clothes are meant for who – you’ve seen what Freddie wears!” Brian let out a little laugh, “I mean when you see Freddie wear what he does, does it bother you? Do you look at Fred and think he shouldn’t wear what he does?”

“No of course not.” Roger shook his head, the thought he never really ever crossed his mind, “Fred looks great in everything he wears.” Roger was a little jealous of how well Fred had the confidence to pull off anything he wanted to.

“Exactly, so why would you think it’s different for you?” Brian said, his logic obvious, and Roger was a little embarrassed at his answer because he knew it wasn’t logical.

“Because it’s me…” He shrugged, the tears were slowing but they were still falling. “Fred is Fred, he’s in a whole difference league, but I’m y’know, the womaniser, the drummer… I’m not supposed to wear short skirts and blouses.” 

“Says who?” Brian said, quirking an eyebrow. Roger blanched at that. No one had ever said it explicitly to him, but it was just a known fact. Brian obviously spotted his hesitation; “Exactly. I mean, sure, society doesn’t think that you should be wearing these clothes but since when do you listen to what society wants? Since when does Queen do what society wants us to do?” Roger sniffled and wiped his nose on his wrist, before wiping at his tears again - which were finally slowing down, thankfully. His heart was still hammering with anxiety though. He didn’t really know what to say but once again Brian saved him.

“Rog, there isn’t a wrong answer here but do you want to be a girl?” Brian asked, his voice entirely serious, no mocking tone evident. Roger’s eyes flitted up to Brian’s face and studied his expression but couldn’t see any evidence of a smirk or mocking smile.

“No.” He said truthfully, “I don’t think so. I just…” He trailed off, a blush finding his cheeks, but Brian reached up and comfortingly rubbed his upper arm which spurred him to continue; “I just like wearing the clothes. I like the… way it makes me look… and the way it makes me feel, I guess.” His hesitation palpable and the more he spoke the more his face was growing hot and red.

“That’s fine, Rog. That’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I mean if I looked as good as you in a skirt I would want to wear them all the time.” Brian laughed a little, and nudged Roger to encourage him to laugh with him, which Roger did a little – the laughter easing the anxiety in his chest a little. Roger, for one, was glad that he was already bright red because it also hid the blush at Brian’s compliment.

A more comfortable silence fell over them, but the silence allowed Roger to realise what the appropriate next step was, now that he was able to think clearly. So a little mournfully he said;

“Alright, I guess, I’ll go get changed then. “ He said standing, about to head into his room and pack it all away. Brian stepped out of his way to let him out but at the same time spoke.

“You don’t have to get changed if you don’t want to.” Brian said as Roger stepped around him, but he paused when he said that.

“No it’s alright, Bri, I don’t want to freak you out any more than I have already.” Roger let out a humourless laugh.

“Don’t be so stupid.” Brian scoffed. “If you want to wear the skirt, wear the skirt!” He exclaimed. Roger just stared at him in disbelief. “Let me put it this way; if I weren’t here would you be going to get changed now?” Roger hesitated for a moment before he decided to tell the truth.

“No.” 

“Then don’t get changed and play me whatever song you’ve just written.” Brian said as he pointed at the seat by the drum kit.

“You’re sure?” Roger hazarded.

“Shut up and sit down.” Brian said as he picked up the headphones and put them on, pushing down his large hair.

Roger sat at the drums, feeling a little self-conscious for a moment at how high the skirt rode up his thigh when he sat down – which was something he loved when he was alone but now he was worried about what Brian was thinking – but he pushed his consciousness down and picked up his drum sticks and started playing the introduction. Once he started to play he felt the same exhilaration he felt before. He had the anxiety coursing through his veins, just like when they were rehearsing for a big gig. He felt giddy, like he was floating, but it felt good. It felt bloody fantastic. Before he knew it he was at the chorus and before he realised it, it was over. He put the stick down and turned to Brian who was staring at his notes for the guitar. 

“How was that?” Roger said.

“Listen closely because I don’t think I’ll ever say this to you again, but bloody hell, Rog, I love it.” He laughed and Roger couldn’t help but mirror his laugh. Brian and Roger famously rarely agreed on music decisions so this truly was a rare event for Brian to love what Roger had done. “I mean don’t get me wrong I have some notes on the guitar part but I love the idea of it.” Roger grinned widely, and Brian picked up the pencil off the floor and started making some adjustments.

“Brian?” Roger said hesitantly.

“One sec.” He said as he quickly finished writing down the time signature and changing some of the notes around. “Yep?” He said looking up.

“Do you really not mind… all of this?” He said gesturing to the clothes he was wearing.

“Roger, listen okay. I really, seriously don’t mind one, tiny bit.” He said emphatically, “The only thing is I wish you felt like you could tell us… or at least me.” He hesitated for a moment, and Roger waited for him to find his words; “I mean have I, specifically, done anything to make you think that I wouldn’t accept this?”

Roger paused for a second, to almost ridicule himself. Why had he been so stupid? Of course Brian hadn’t done anything, ever, to make him think that he wouldn’t accept him. Neither had any of the others. Now he thought about it with a clear head – he was sure Freddie would be absolutely thrilled. He had been so stupid, and caused himself so much grief over nothing! However, his pause to scold himself, was completely misinterpreted by Brian.

“Shit. Roger. I’m so sorry if I’ve done anything. I would never want to make you feel like we don’t unconditionally love you. Jesus, I don’t even know what I’ve said or done. I’m so sorry, Rog.”

“No, no, no.” Roger quickly jumped in before Brian could berate himself more for something that he hadn’t even done. “Of course you haven’t! I guess I just kind of projected onto you the worst case scenario. I mean now you say it,” he looked down at his sock clad feet in shame, “I’ve been pretty stupid…” He let out a little chuckled but he was embarrassed that any of this had happened. If he had been open about it from the beginning none of this would have been as awful – but now it was a massive thing. He was such an idiot.

“Hey, stop. I can almost feel the nasty thoughts coming off you. Come here.” Brian said, before leaning in and wrapping Roger in his arms, giving him a tight hug. Brian gave really nice hugs, and Roger didn’t realised how much he was yearning for physical comfort until he rested his chin on Brian’s shoulder, feeling his poufy hair brush against his cheek, and returned the hug.

“Thanks Bri. I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you, but if it’s any consolation I feel better that you know… I’ve been really worried about you finding out but I shouldn’t have been.”

“It’s alright. Well you had nothing to worry about and I’m glad you’re feeling better now.” They stayed together for a moment before Brian pulled away. “I bet you’re starving. I saw the half made sandwich in the kitchen, which I assume you started making a while ago.” Roger’s stomach suddenly pulled with hunger so he nodded. 

Both of them made their way to the kitchen and Roger took a seat while Brian finished the food.

“Bri?”

“Yeah?”

“I get that you don’t have a problem with it.” He spoke slowly, measuring his words.

“Because I 100% don’t have a problem.” Brian said, glancing over his shoulder to look at Roger, who nodded.

“And I get that the others wouldn’t mind either but can you not tell Freddie and John? I will tell them I promise… I just want to work up to it. But I will.” Brian turned around and waved his hand flippantly at Roger.

“Hey, you don’t owe me an explanation. I mean I get why you might be hesitant to tell Fred, we all know what he’s like when it comes to fashion.” They both let out a knowing laugh, “but until you’re ready you can come and talk to me about this whenever you want. If it’s just us in the house you can wear this or anything else you want. I don’t mind at all as long you’re happy.”

Roger felt an uncontrollable smile take hold of his face, almost hurting his cheeks how wide he was smiling.

“Thanks Bri.” He said as Brian placed his sandwich and a packet of crisps in front of him – but they both knew that he was thanking him for more than the food.

“No worries.” Brian said, flashing him a smile back, before they both dug into one of the best and most relaxed meals Roger ever had.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm quite new to the Queen fandom. I've always liked Queen but I never realised there was such a large following online, so for the past few weeks I've been selling my soul to Queen fanfiction - and when I discovered Rogerina fanfiction this idea was born and I've finally taken the plunge and decided to write both my first Queen fanfiction and my first real person fanfiction.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it! I had a lot of fun writing this, and I do have a kind of sequel idea so please let me know if you'd be interested in reading a sequel!


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